Monday, 30 May 2011

Monday morning

I feel like I've been neglecting my little blog for a few days...

But I am back. I have time on my hands and I feel pretty relaxed. Excellent stuff.

Actually I got the most amazing email this morning. It burst through my inbox and gave me a virtual hug. Sometimes when I think about it, I am completely blown away by the messages of support and friendship that have kept me in a tight little cuddle over the past 6 months. You really are a super lovely bunch of people. Thank you....Muchos grazias. Danke. Merci....(and that is where my multi-lingual skills run out...!)

Yesterday afternoon I helped Lorraine with some gardening. Well I say I helped, she did most of the technical stuff and I kind of tidied up and looked professional in my snazzy wellies. Oh yeah and I also held the ladder steady whilst she attacked a tree, and I got covered in leaves, bugs, dirt, branches...etc... And I did some heavy lifting too. Actually my back is kind of aching. Hmm. Given those muscles a bit of a workout...Felt good to be in the fresh air...

As I missed out yesterday...today might be a 2 blog kind of day...we shall see...

for the moment though...the D.C is calling me....

xxx

p.s I just thought this computer had deleted the above blog, but I have rediscovered it. Phew. Massive love and respect to the very kind computer. Or maybe I'm turning into a bit of a technical whizzkid?! Either way, sorry Phil...not your fault!!

Saturday, 28 May 2011

A little bit of...

big sleep..

little sleep...

little black dog...
more little sleeps...

little stroll....

little bit of making myself at home...

little bit of browsing around...

little bit of cooking...

little bit of shaky hands...
little baby bathtime for cute as a nugget Beau...

and now...a little for a little bit of football...

xxx

Friday, 27 May 2011

sleepy

Struggling to keep the old peepers open today....

Would be quite happy to snuggle up in bed now, but its probably a little early...

Many thanks for all the positive vibes this morning...The lady that I saw was really friendly, not scary at all. And daddy pig kept me calm.

 She is going to take a couple of days to digest me (mmm yeah I bet I'm well tasty..) and then I will get something in the post...or something...I'm not really sure...but extra help is available for me and they might change my drugs...so good news I feel...

I'm glad daddy pig came with me because it all seems a bit of a blur now and I cant really remember what she said....and I was super worried that I'd forgotten something really important to tell her....which I explained...to which she replied, "well that's your anxiety talking.." fair point, well made. Can't really argue with that!

Wine and noodles are calling me....

xxxx

Thursday, 26 May 2011

Maybe I should start writing jokes in this box...

Up to Kidderminster tomorrow for a little change of scenery.

After 25 years, I have finally realised that when in doubt.........pack everything.

10 pairs of shoes for 10 days away should be enough I think?

At least its taking my mind off this flippin assessment tomorrow. Argh. Please send positive thoughts my way at 10am....

I know its a good thing. And I know that I need these mental community people to  help me. I just wish I could get to the result without having to go through the process. I feel like they're testing me or something. Argh.

Thats three 10's and two Argh's in the space of about 2 inches....curses.

Wheres a thesaurus when you need one?

xoxoxo

Wednesday, 25 May 2011

Wise words Baz

Remember this song? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.


The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…

I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.

But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….

You’re not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.

The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you.

 Sing.

 Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

 Floss.

 Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

 Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

 Stretch.

 Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

 Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…

what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people
think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own..


Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

 Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on.

Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

 Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were
noble and children respected their elders.


 Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you.

 Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one
might run out.


Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

 Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it.

 Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen…

xxx Thanks Baz...I'm gonna go get my groove on whilst smothered in sunscreen....

Tuesday, 24 May 2011

Rage

Why are computers so irritating. Trying to upload a few photos of some of the paintings I've been doing. But its just being unreasonable. Ridiculous. Irritating. And its definitely not me. Oh no. Its the computers stupid fault. Grr.

I've had a headache all day and its refusing to budge. I may as well just get back into my pyjamas and go back to bed.

Bugger off black dogggggggggggggg. arggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

I've got an appointment on Friday with the community mental health team. Eeek. I'm scared. I hope the people are nice. I'm being assessed by a nurse and a consultant. Hate stuff like that. Dreading it to be honest. Feels like I'm being tested and I'm going to fail.

Maybe I should go and eat something.

A strawberry fizzy lace perhaps.

xx

Monday, 23 May 2011

Hafa Adai Guam

Someone is reading my blog in Guam! I don't even know where that is. How ignorant. But also very exciting. It sounds like a magical place.

Hello sir/madam in Guam. I hope things are ship shape and shiny.... Hafa Adai..(means hello apparently....)

Oooo...Yes I have got totally gotten googled distracted by the most gorgeous photos of the beaches in Guam. Jealous.

I miss the sea.

I'm having a little break up to the midlands next week. So not really near the sea. But it does not matter. Not one bit. Because it will be a change of scenery which will be really good for me. A little mini break if you will. Mix things up a bit. See how I cope. Could be interesting....

 At the moment I'm trying to control my anxiety by having to keep on writing millions of lists so I don't forget my toothbrush, or medicine, or knickers, or ipod or a piece of my brain maybe...?!

So many things that could be forgotten. I find packing a little stressful. And going anywhere in general really because I have to keep checking I have everything in my bag oh about twenty trillion times. My friend Char said I should have a list in my head. Excellent advice. But what if I forgot to put something on my list in my brain? Then it wouldn't get checked. Tricky. Very tricky.

This is making me feel a little stressed actually. So gonna stop typing.

Excellent idea.

xxx

Sunday, 22 May 2011

When in doubt, dance

I am having a write and delete session.

Can't stop writing.

Can't stop deleting.

So I have decided to give up...turn up the volume, and rock some groovy kind of shapes to this most excellent of tunes......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QGeIQU_zDw&feature=related

xxx

Saturday, 21 May 2011

A little micro giggle

Just a little mini micro tiny post tonight.

Its been a long day...And my carriage awaits.......(car/carriage its the same right?)

So anyway............it really has been a long day. And my mood has fluctuated a ridiculous amount. After a morning spent unable to get out of bed, I've really had to push myself this afternoon. Black dog has the very annoying habit of paralysing my body...

...Butttttt this is what has made me smile, and I'm sure the lovely Miss Chapman resident of Virginia Beach, USA.. won't mind me sharing this one...

Me: I think I'm popping to the pub tonight for a drink
Kat: Cool.. Enjoy your longbow!!!
Me: hahahahahahahahha....you mean Strongbow....??
Kat: Oh yeah...oops!

I can't wait to take this girl for a drink in my local....
And now I will forever ask for a pint of longbow, just to see what happens....

Thank you for making me giggle Miss Chapman

xoxoxox

Friday, 20 May 2011

change

Change is a really weird thing.

I was thinking about this the other night when I texted a friend after she'd had a family member pass away....Really sad....And it made me think, sometimes I think I should really listen to the advice I give to other people, and take it on board myself...!

So this is what I was thinking/texting/wittering...

Sometimes change is a really good thing, and it comes along just when you need it, brightens up your day, and brings with it excitement and hope. And sometimes change is horrible. It can turn your world upside down, and shake you to the core. Bringing sadness, despair, and fear.

But something that will never change, that can't ever be taken away from you, is what's inside you. Who is inside you. Your family, your friends, your memories. They will never go away. They will always be part of you. You might temporarily mislay some of those memories, some of those people. But at some point they will come back. They cling on to the corners of your mind, and they make you who you are.

And I know that this sounds super duper cheesy. But I find it comforting. Because I find change a real challenge. Most of the time I feel like my life will never change, but then when something earth shattering does happen, I can't cope with it. It sounds really weird, and I'm not explaining myself at all well....(nothing new there then...!)

I just want to remember that there is something I can cling on to. Something inside me that no-one or nothing can change, no matter how hard they might try. They can't take it away from me, and it won't change....

So yeah, this makes no sense.....change is good, change is bad, blah blah blah...conclusion..change is good and bad!

My glass of wine is calling....

xxxx

Thursday, 19 May 2011

A few aches and pains...

Urgh yuk.

Headache.

Earache.

Feel like I've been punched in the neck about twenty times and I have giant swollen glands. Ouch.

Viruses keep on attaching themselves to me like I don't know what. I wish I could think of an excellent simile, but my brain has turned to mush.... They keep attaching to me like Velcro? They're hanging around like a bad smell? Both rubbish.... Writing mind wants to put both of those in the bin. Or hit delete.

I had a nightmare last night that has stayed with me all day. In it I was being chased, and some people were trying to help me, but some people were double tricking me, and I couldn't work out who were friends and who were enemies. And then I had all these cuts on my belly. It was like someone had smashed glass into my stomach and there were loads of tiny cuts, and scratches and scars. That image is refusing to leave my brain.

Pretty weird, I know.

xxxx

Wednesday, 18 May 2011

Amazonian frog

Today has mostly been spent napping. Yawn. Just had a big glass of the good old diet coke and then some lemonade so hopefully I will make it to the end of this blog without falling asleep on the keyboard.

Mama is away this week, so its just me and Daddy Pig hanging out. Keeping things real. Fa shizz. I knew I wouldn't feel safe being left in the house alone today so I took a little road trip down to Wells with Pa...

Oh I'm so distracted by my beautiful nails.  They really do look incredibly dazzling. They have the wow factor. They tick all the boxes (why do people on those house programmes always say that, its so annoying.) Yeah. Really. They do.

 The lovely Miss Prescott, Miss Bradley and Miss Emm bought me some crazy colours to brighten my days. And this super cool crackle stuff. Its like this black stuff that you put on top and it goes all cracked, up in like a professional way, not in a your nails look cracked kind of way. Its very difficult to describe, I don't know why I'm trying to...! Anyway I've got this yellow polish and when I put the black stuff on top I feel like an amazonian frog. Its pretty thrilling to feel like an amazonian frog. You should try it. And today I bought some pink crackly stuff so now I have purple underneath and then pink on top. Not really sure if they resemble an animal. They look a little bit like a pinky purpley lizard. But I don't think they exist, so just trust me on this one....they are fabulous.

So maybe this blog should be for girls only...
Boys....I think you may wonder if I'm talking in another language....

Wouldn't that be exciting. Ooo the possibilities. Soozlanguage. Or Soozish... I have time on my hands. Maybe this could be a new little project for me...

Oh crap I'm distracting myself again..

Cheerio
xxx

Tuesday, 17 May 2011

Ouch..brainache

Trying to connect facebook and twitter and blog accounts. Argh my brain hurts. Even with step by step instructions I still don't seem to be able to do it. If you are on twitter, then please let me know....Your life might be more interesting than mine...Plus...I'm a nosey bitch....! I am SusiePiggott (as in, that's my twitter name, and coincidentally, my real name too...)

I've got a headache and feel a bit faint and funny so this is going to be a short edition. My glands feel weird in my neck, like all bruised and achy. Oww.

I've had a couple of reassuring conversations today....Hope managed to break through those dark thunderclouds. Must try and remember. Poorly brain has a habit of forgetting everything. Actually I did make a little scribble in my notebook to try and remind myself of the hopeful words...But my writing is so scratchy and scrawly its possible I may not be able to read it...curses...

xxx

Monday, 16 May 2011

little yawn GIANT YAWN

Lots of little silly things in my mind. But I'm just a bit too sleepy to write them down.

...That and the fact my leg is uncontrollably tapping its way to insania. I actually think my foot might fly off any second. Either that or I will develop amazingly strong muscles in my ankles due to all the weird leg movements I seem to have.

Went to the dentist, and it turns out, my teeth aren't falling out. So theres a bit of good news. I did freak out when he tried to touch my front tooth that has been feeling strange. There may have been a bit of reflex bite action going on, I'm not sure, but I can safely say my teeth are intact. (As are my dentists fingers.) Hurrah.

Celebrated with a subway and bought 2 new dresses....whoops...they were bargains though... and they fitted...and they are bright colours, not black or grey, and they're not made out of tracksuit material, they are actually real dresses. That I am going to wear. Shocking, but true. Well its not really shocking. But it always an effort to get me to put some clothes on. Not that I wander around naked. I'm just surgically attached to my pyjamas, jogging bottoms, and various grey hoodies. So comfy. So comforting. And yet, so depressing.

What a jumbled up mess this is...

Yawn.

Giant yawn.

Another day can be ticked off anyway.

This is my favourite time of day now...

Bedtime...

xxx

Sunday, 15 May 2011

Don't give up

Sometimes you need to step back, walk away, and come back with a fresh perspective.

My writing was starting to frustrate me, like so much of my life at the moment it felt repetitive.

When the black dog has paralysed your body and mind its impossible to fight it. Its only when you've been able to keep it on a lead for a little while, that you can straighten things out in your mind.

I have to remind myself so often when I get paranoid, or scared and start freaking out about things, that its my poorly brain. Its not the real Sooz. Its poorly brain Sooz. But I cant see it at the time, because black dog always seems to be so logical and make so much sense. It seems to have the answers to all your problems. And that answer is always the same, end it, stop it now, give up, you're failing, your life is never going to change, the world would be better off without you.

I have to fight. I need to fight. This is not a battle. Its an ongoing war.  But it will end. There is always an end. People keep telling me this won't last forever. I struggle to believe them. But I have to hope.

I have to hope.

xxxxxxxxx

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6V2jI-HV5k&feature=related
P.S thank you Kate for recommending this song..... xxx

Thursday, 12 May 2011

Moaning Minnie

I know I shouldn't moan but...

I am so fed up of this illness. I am so frustrated. I'm so tired. When is it ever going to end?

I have been off work for almost 6 months now. I've been on my medication since the end of October. I have had so many counselling sessions. And yet nothing changes in my world. Day in, day out, I'm stuck.

I may take the occasional step forward, but then I always seem to take 10 steps back.

I still can't even go in the car to Bath, let alone walk around the centre. I can't over plan things because then my anxiety goes crazy, but at the same time I need things to look forward to. I can't be in busy or unfamiliar places. I can't be with people I'm not comfortable with.  I can't always be left on my own. In fact there are so many things that I cant do I don't even want to write them all down.

I know I sound so selfish. There are millions of people in much worse situations than my own, and just knowing that makes me even more angry with myself.

Paranoia is a big part of depression and I am the Queen of it.

Everyone I know seems to be out there, living their lives. Making the most of each moment, sharing, laughing, loving.

I feel as if I am stuck in some sort of twisted purgatory. A halfway house between real life and the stuff nightmares are made of. Its like groundhog day. Or a broken record that seems to stick in the same place every time. Or a little hamster in one of those wheels, they cant get off, they're just stuck, running, getting out of breath and going nowhere.

Time is ticking, months are passing, and yet, nothing changes.

Is this what my life is going to be like? I can't see an end to this shitty roller coaster that just seems to be heading down and never back up.

Maybe I shouldn't be writing this. I have been thinking this week that I may stop blogging. I don't really see the point anymore.

x

Tuesday, 10 May 2011

I wish

I'm so tired. Tired of everything.

I wish I had a magic carpet. Or a magic lamp. Or a magic wand. Or a magic wardrobe that leads to Narnia.

I wish I was sitting on the top of a cliff, overlooking the ocean. A warm breeze coming over the top and whispering through the long grass. I wish I could look down and see hundreds of puffins, with their funny little faces and cute little feet. I wish I could watch the sunset over the cliffs, and see the last rays of sunlight dancing on the waves.

xxx

Monday, 9 May 2011

primal scream

tumtetum.

I have been so uninspired to write recently. The fact that I'm not wearing my glasses probably doesn't help either to be honest as I am skinting I mean squinting...whoops.

I also really want to paint but nothing seems to flow.

I have been doing little bits of sketching though. Even though they are awful, messy, almost unidentifiable sketches, I have been persevering. Its been really windy here (weather wise..) over the last few days and I have discovered I love the sound. When I go for walks around the fields and woods I take my camera and I've been recording little videos of the sound of the wind against the trees and the grass. It sounds pretty weird! But when I went to Wales back in Feb I took a few videos of the waves on the beach and when black dog has taken over its so relaxing to watch and listen.

This does sound super strange. Listening to waves and trees? Oh deary me.

But you know what. I don't really care. Because its so exciting when you find something new that takes you away from everything. Something to calm you down and makes you forget about the black dog.

When I had counselling last week she was asking me when I last shouted or screamed. I couldn't really remember, but it was a pretty long time ago. She then asked me would I like to scream and shout. To which I replied, "hell yes, everyday!!!"

I am often constantly overwhelmed with wanting to shout and scream, stamp my feet and smash everything up. I imagine what it would feel like, and how much of a release it would be to let it all out.

As I was lying on my bedroom floor yesterday with my blanket over my head listening to some sort of hardcore house I thought, go for it Sooz. Let it out.

I thought I had better pre-warn the rentals (didn't want them to get scared of my howling). And then I turned up the volume, and let rip.

Wow. What satisfaction. I also started punching my pillow and throwing assorted clothes around my room. My screeches and screams where pretty immense. In fact they were intense and immense.

I have so much anger built up inside me. Most of it is anger with myself, some towards my illness in general, some towards my frustration, some towards people in my past, and some of it is just unidentifiable. Which I think is fine. I'm not going to waste time trying to identify it all..!

Anyway I have been wittering on and reading back over this it is so badly written and muddled up.

Ah well.

I just want to remember that its ok to scream and shout, release the beast!!!!

xxxx

N.B
Miss Piggott cannot be held responsible for any shouting/slanging/screaming matches that occur after reading this. She is recommending shouting on your own, not at a person. Thank you!

Sunday, 8 May 2011

what a load of rubbish

I wonder if theres a way of going through all my blog posts to see which words I write the most frequently. A technologically minded person I am not, suggestions on a postcard please.

Today's blog just feels like groundhog day.

I feel like I'm trapped in a vicious circle. You wouldn't expect circles to be the mean shapes. Afterall, they don't have sharp pointy bits like triangles.

Frantically trying to think of anything nice thats a circle shape.

Sellotape? Nope. Coaster? No. Plant pot? Oh no these are all so boring.

I think I've given up.

I am wittering about a load of crap.

Enough is enough Sooz.

Step away from the computer

xxx

Saturday, 7 May 2011

Do what you like

I'm trying to look at some hilarious music videos from the 90's but my computer is being ridiculously slow. Argh!

I cant believe that its going so slowly because a load of other people are also watching Take That getting smothered in jelly.

Maybe they are.

Maybe I'm not the only one. It has had 73,740 views afterall.

Anyway........The reason I'm trying to look at this video (it still hasnt loaded up) is that I would really like something to make me chuckle. Right about now. And Take That have never let me down. They are pretty much guarenteed smile time for Sooz.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpqAXZI0s0s&feature=related

Teeheeehehehe it has loaded up.

Comedy gold. Take That sporting leggings, biker jackets (complete with tassles and studs), Gary has a very bizzare hair colour and Mark has fashioned some sort of bandana round his head. Classic. And all five are partaking in some very quesationable dance moves.

I could witter on about how much I love Take That, how much Mark Owen and I are meant to be together. (Or Howard Donald, if Mark was unavailable.) But I don't think I will. Not tonight.

I need some diet coke. And I need a shower.

(Just for the record, I'm not still in my pyjamas...honest...)

xxx

Friday, 6 May 2011

To whom it may concern

                                                                                                            
                                                                                                             Grange Road
                                                                                                             Saltford
                                                                                                             Bristol
Brain Experts
Complaints Department
Mind Street
Headington

                                                                                                 6th May 2011

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing to request that you turn my crazy brain off. It is running at a constant speed and quite frankly, it is exhausting.  I'm unable to find the switch. I am certain that my warranty has expired and something has been misplaced. A vital cog or wheel perhaps?
Your help would be greatly appreciated.

Kind Regards,

Susanna Piggott

Thursday, 5 May 2011

Flutter

A change of scenery this afternoon. Hurrah.

Sometimes I feel like my life is contained within 56 Grange Road.

But I got out! Whoopdewhoopla.

Went on a little journey. Had a little walk. Sipped a little drink. Did a little sketching. (I know lots of littles, but I cant stop myself now.)

Listen to this little song. So relaxing. Takes me away from everything for approximately 4 minutes and 43 seconds....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eL_OFKU9E5I

xxx

Wednesday, 4 May 2011

I don't like these words

Urgh. Yuk.

Why is it that some days I can find a million words to describe how I feel. But today I'm finding it really difficult.

Maybe I don't want to admit to them.

Maybe I don't want to write the words down.

Bugger.

They keep on spinning round my head so I guess I'm gonna have to type them out. Curses.

Lost.
Lonely.
Confused.

xxx

Tuesday, 3 May 2011

Seascape at Saintes Maries

Its funny the things that can make you get up, put clothes on and actually start talking to people.

I guess for most people its their alarm clock, or someone next to them snoring loudly so they want to get up asap.

Today I got up because my mum was hoovering outside my bedroom (subtle she is not), had my breakfast, and then crawled back to bed. Not into bed. Just on it... . Black dog had completely taken over and I was unable to move, speak, anything. Blanket was firmly over my head and my mind was spinning out of control. I was taken over by darkness. Where I stayed for the next 3 hours.

I'm still not feeling exactly peachy now, but I am a lot better than this morning. And it was this painting that brought me back.

http://www.vincent-van-gogh-gallery.org/Seascape-at-Saintes-Maries-2-large.html

Now I am very aware that I am one of those annoying people who loves art history and will always defend paintings when others say, "I could do that myself, all they've done is pour blue paint on a canvas." Sometimes I forget that I spent 3 years at university dissecting masterpieces and loving every minute of it. But I promise I am not going to get all arty farty, and start spouting about how wonderful the painting is, and how it makes me feel.

Because quite simply, I don't need to, this painting can speak for itself....

xxxxxxx

Monday, 2 May 2011

Yum yum in my tum

Right. No word of a lie. I may have just created and eaten the most delicious meal ever. Fact.

Now I am by no means a culinary genius. Neither am I a connoisseur of fine cuisine (I can usually be found eating oreos, salt and vinegar chipsticks, sausage rolls, marmite sandwiches...you get the idea..) But the dinner I just made myself was absolutely out of this world.

And the reason that made it even more groundbreaking is that after a busy day I sat in the car and I actually quite fancied something to eat. This is a rare occurrence. But the beginnings of flavours started whizzing around my brain and jumping onto my tongue. Not only did I quite fancy something to eat, but I actually got off my arse and made it.

I sometimes find even deciding what to have for breakfast a huge trial. Or at lunchtime, the sandwich filling dilemma is a nightmare for me, which is why I usually go for spreadable things. Marmite, honey, jam. Taste good. Nice and easy.

Now I don't want you to think I'm lazy or anything. I'm not. And I need to remind myself I'm not. Its just the black dog makes even the smallest things take a superhuman amount of effort.

And so it was with the sounds of Seasick Steve, and a glass of vino in my hand that I chopped some stuff and got stuck in. No rush. No fuss. Just me in the kitchen. Making some dinner. Hurrah hurrah.

(With the added bonus of some lactose free cheese. Genius. Thanks Liz)

xxxxxx

P.S recipe available on request...

Sunday, 1 May 2011

Husky Sooz

Sore throat. Runny nose. Tickly cough. Splutter splutter. Itchy eyes. Scratch scratch.

Hate hayfever.

Can't quite believe its May. Little bit scary.

So tired.

Wore new sparkly pink flowery wellies today. Actually they're not sparkly. But they do sparkle in the sunshine, just because they're so cute. It wasn't muddy. Or rainy. But man, they looked cool. In fact, they're the most gorgeous wellies I've ever had. I just don't want to get them dirty....and yes I know that is a slight contradiction in terms....

Ooo I think I might be hungry. I've just felt a rumble in the stomach area. This doesn't happen very often so maybe I will go and make myself a honey sandwich....

Sunday often seems to be a particularly bad black dog day. A trackie wearing, need to stay in bed, blanket over the head, can't comprehend the point in anything sort of day.

xxx