I hope you've been able to decipher my ramblings and maybe even find a little comfort.
Last night I didn't sleep (which is always rather irritating) but it was especially irritating last night as my brain was spiraling into the most horrible of circles.
Before I divulge what was going through my brain, I should give you the current back story; that I have been trying/failing, to lose weight and get fit. At the weekend I weighed myself and I have gained 2 stone in 2 years, which was something of a shock and I pretty much fell off the scales.
Anyway, the conversation I was having with myself in bed went something like this....
Susie 1: "Right, I need to stop messing around and just go on another diet and get a personal trainer and become superwoman."
Susie 2: "When would you ever have time to do any exercise? You're constantly knackered Also you don't like feeling out of breath as it reminds you of having a panic attack."
Susie 1: "Just do it. You have fat legs and your clothes don't fit."
Susie 2: "It takes all my energy to look after my brain and keep that healthy. I don't think I have room in my head to keep my body healthy as well, its too much!"
Susie 1: "You've forgotten that exercise will help your depression. Get it sorted!"
Susie 2: "Honestly I'm too tired, I need to concentrate on looking after my mind."
Susie 1: "But if you lost weight then you would feel better about your body."
Susie 2: "Nah, don't think so, no matter what I weigh I would still hate the way I look."
And so the debate continues.
I think keeping my mind healthy is the most important, but keeping active would also help my mind. I just need to stop myself getting obsessed with it all.
Which is what I'm already doing.
When I haven't even done anything.
A balance between the mind and body would be perfect.
But perfection is pretty impossible to achieve.
Especially when you're a perfectionist...........!