Saturday, 29 September 2012

a little catch up :)

I have been particularly neglectful of my blog lately, apologies. Waking up for the fourth day in a row with a banging headache hasn't helped the situation. Staring at the computer hasn't been on top of my list when it seems to make my eyes even more squinty and my brain pain explode through the roof.

However, I am back and typing away, hurrah.

My routine is also getting back on track as my courses are starting again after my summer break. Although I have also been neglecting my gym schedule. After a week of relaxation in Dartmouth my training has gone out of the window. Next week I will get back on track though. Yes. I will be pumping iron and sweating it out on the rowing machine once more. Promise promise promise.

I mentioned in my previous blog a certain Mr B...and I have suddenly come over all Carrie Bradshaw and tempted to call him Big (especially as he is 6"5), but I think for now we'll stick with Mr B.

The details of my love life haven't really been a part of this blog....mainly because there haven't been many details to tell.... but also because I have been so scared of getting hurt and putting my feelings on the line. And its all very strange and sudden because I haven't been looking for a relationship, or expecting it.

But I think its a sign of my progress when I can now be comfortably in a relationship and not question why the person is with me. In the past I always believed that I didn't deserve happiness or was certain that I wasn't good enough. And now things are so different.

I know I deserve to be happy.

I know what I want from a partner, and miraculously, Mr B is providing me with the encouragement, fun and understanding I need.

Only problem is, Mr B is allergic to dogs...

xxx

Thursday, 27 September 2012

bore me later

Had such a boring day. Full of boringness. Boring jobs and boring tasks, and my boring mind has been boring me to boredom.

My Mama told me to stop moaning, I told her that I didn't ask for her opinion. Don't think that went down very well...

So instead I thought I would come on here and moan about my boring Thursday and bore you all to tears too. You lucky devils.

Luckily, I am soon to be saved from boredom by Mr B (more about him later...) and also its my darling Dads birthday today so we're off out for dins this evening. Yum. I will try not to be boring and try something new from the menu instead of the usual chicken nuggs combination.

xxx

Wednesday, 26 September 2012

toothless rats (and other things that make me happy)


Despite having a continuous fear of rats, and dancing in public, I can't seem to get these lyrics out of my head....
....The rats on the street all dance round my feet,
 they seem to say Susie its up to you....

OK, OK I know that Hairspray the Musical is based on Tracey and not Susie, but still, artistic licence was needed. And I dont live in Baltimore, and my Dad doesnt own a joke shop. But I do often have a beehive hairdo which I too use copius amounts of hairspray on, possibly clogging up the ozone layer in the process.... I also have the voice of an angel and dance moves to rival MC Hammer. Or whoever the 1960s equivalant was...

Anyway, the point is, which I promise I'm getting to, is that I really do feel like dancing round the streets, particuarly with the rats round my feet (as long as they have no teeth) .... and that feeling hasnt been around for a bloody long time. So I will bask in its lovelieness. Soaking up every dancy, singy, ratty moment....


xxx

Monday, 24 September 2012

BIG NEWS

I have big news people. BIG news.

Not just average big news, but very big. Humongous big. Gigantic big. I'm talking about breaking news, tomorrows headlines are already written, because, stop the press, Susie Piggott has some big news.

But I wont sell my story to the British press. Oh no. I will reject the offers from Heat and OK magazine to do a 10 page spread, even if they offer me a life shattering amount of money. Even if they try and tempt me with free clothes, I will say no. No no no. And do you know why? Because I realise my dedicated and loyal followers deserve to hear the news first. That's how much I love my fans. I mean followers....

So to cut a long story short, here is the news, the scoop if you will. Enjoy...

...On Monday 24th September Susanna Piggott (known as Susie) met up with a friend whom she hadn't seen for a few months. After taking a seat in a cosy Bristol cafe, her friend asked her how she was doing. Susie replied with these words, "I'm great thanks, really good!!" Nations rejoiced and the people applauded. Susie smiled.

xxx

Saturday, 22 September 2012

who knew??

A few thoughts.....

1. Life can change when you least expect it.

2. Everyone deserves happiness (and I include myself in that, YES, YES I DO!!!)

3. If you meet someone who also knows all the songs from Grease 2, you've definitely met a kindred spirit.....

xxx

Thursday, 20 September 2012

a time for smiling...

Last day of hols, and I would like to wish everyone a very Happy Thursday!

For the past two days my mind has been in a much better place. I have been trying to enjoy each moment like a bacon sandwich, and make the most of it. Although I haven't actually had a bacon sarnie...but today I did treat myself to a hot pork bap with stuffing, full of delicious fatty goodness.

Had a good couple of walks lately which have been beneficial (that sounds like a very doctorish word doesnt it??) for me. Lots of bracing sea air blowing out the cobwebs and all that.

I love being down here in Dartmouth, its so comforting and relaxing. So many happy memories and familiar places that never really seem to change. I like that. Yes. Yes I do.

And last night I heard my most favourite sound in the world. The sound of my Dad laughing his socks off. It doesnt happen often enough, and boy oh boy does it make me smile.

I've got lots of thoughts and ideas buzzing round my brain right now, but for some annoying reason I can't seem to focus. Hopefully I'll be able to pinpoint some of them later before they waft out of my ears....

xxx

Tuesday, 18 September 2012

last lick of ketchup

Been a funny day by all accounts....up very early (by Susie standards) and took a boat trip up the river...and this afternoon, well, I've kind of just floated and faffed around, wilting slightly thinking about what I'm going to do with my life..which always sends me in a spin, so I wish my brain would forget about it...

But I feel that I can't forget about it, no matter how much I try, the future looms like a black cloud on my horizon. Which I realise is completely the wrong way to think about it, I should be excited about the future, spurred on by the possibility of happiness...Instead of freaked out at the decisions and choices I need to make and the continued failures that I'm certain to make.

Ugh. I know I think too much. Can someone turn my brain off please? Would very much appreciate it...its being particularly irksome this week, and quite frankly, I've had enough.

Maybe its because I'm away for the week...I mean, I like my space, but perhaps being out of my routine has got my brain a bit muddled up. Although I am on holiday, and I can hear the voice of a certain someone in my head telling me to just "CHILL SUSIE"!!

So perhaps I should carry on trying to take each day as it comes... To savour each moment (as one savours every bite of a bacon sandwich...like the little crispy bit at the end coated in a last lick of ketchup...yum..)

xxx

Monday, 17 September 2012

we are the dreamers and music makers

As I lay in bed last night, my mind caught somewhere between slumber and consciousness, I began to ponder the importance of dreams.

And as luck would have it, I ended up having one of the worst nightmares I've had in a long time. I woke up dripping in sweat (gross but sorry I had to share it) and my body covered in scratches. For the most part of today I've still been trapped in last nights dream, the fear and emotion continuing to travel through my body. Its resulted in feeling horribly faint first thing and even now I seem to be having random hot flushes. Which I am of course, far too young to be experiencing!

Why is it that my dreams seem to have such a big impact on my mind and body? People can remind me as much as they want that my dreams "aren't real", but they feel pretty flipping real to me. Because of course, its not necessarily the storyline of dreams that carry such significance, but the emotions that they trigger.

I know I've rattled on about dreams on here before, but I don't really care if I'm repeating myself. I need to digest and work through some of this stuff.

It seems to me, that when I dream, my feelings and emotions are heightened, they become more extreme. I'm either incredibly elated (that occasional reoccurring dream usually involves meeting Take That and marrying one or all four band members....) Or I might be so confused and unable to make a decision that I'm utterly paralysed (this happens in my non dreaming life, so its a bitch that I have to dream about it too...) Or like in last nights dream, I'm terrified. I'm so scared, nothing makes sense, and I'm certain I'm going to die. Everyone is against me and I have no where to turn for help. Horrible, horrible horrible.

So why is it that my mind works in this way, and other people appear to have dreamless sleeps? Nights in which their minds are not disturbed or interrupted. Is it a chemical scientific thing? Or just totally random? I'm quite intrigued in discovering more about the neuroscience behind all this. Although the likelihood that I wouldn't understand all the big long words and technical jargon is fairly high....

But perhaps I'm spending too much time in my dreamworld. Too connected and absorbed in my nocturnal activity that I'm unable to focus on whats going on around me. Hmm. Nah I don't think so, I've not turned into a crazy dream lady searching for significance in every random dream I have. I mean last week I dreamt I had bought a pet baby elephant, and I'm fairly certain that's not going to happen.

Because truthfully, although I hate having nightmares and freaky dreams, they can be kind of helpful. And throughout my counselling, my dreams have been a useful tool to access my emotions that I was attempting to repress. At the end of the day, those feelings are going to come out one way or another.

Hmm yes. Indeed.

Kinda feel like I need to slip in a little joke now just to lighten the mood.... but instead I'm going to scamper off into town to try and find some Internet access and get this badger uploaded....

Oh and if any members of Take That are reading this, then please free to get in touch, and make my dreams come true...I'd prefer Howard or Mark to give me a bell, but Jason and Gary, I wouldn't say no either... Probably more likely I'm going to get that pet baby elephant though...!

xxx

Friday, 14 September 2012

Risks


Are we taking enough risks??

I remember when my friends used to spend hours playing the board game RISK. But it never seemed very risky to me, in fact it mostly just seemed a bit boring. They would spend hours making calculated moves on the board game map, resulting in heated arguments and general frustration. It didn't really seem to live up to its name.

Because, for me, the word risk evokes a feeling of spontaneity and danger. Putting your faith into something in which you have no clear way of knowing the answer. Because, if you knew it would all work out peachy, then it wouldn't really be a risk would it? It would just be a simple choice.

But do we need risk in our lives? Or is it just better to play safe and stick with what we know. By taking no risks we could lead lives in which we are protected, but possibly bored out of our brains. We wouldn't be open to new possibilities and ideas, we would be cut off from the world.

Getting on a plane. Thats a risk. I might die. Or have a mid air panic attack.

Trying a new food. Thats a huge risk. I could throw up or have a horrible taste in my mouth forever and ever. Yuk central.

Jumping in the pool. Another risk. I could bruise my bum, or my bikini might fly off.

EQUALLY THOUGH.....

I might not die on the plane, and sedatives could keep me calm, and at the end of the journey I'll arrive at some fabulous destination.

I might like the new food. Maybe even love it...(but to be honest, that's pretty unlikely..)

And even if my bikini falls off and I bruise my bum, it would be a funny story, and I would ultimately feel more refreshed, and rather less sweaty than if I hadn't jumped in the pool.

So maybe risks have to be weighed up. What might you lose? But more importantly, what could you gain??

I guess the examples I've given  might seem pretty small and silly in the grand scheme of life.. But by taking small steps, little risks regularly, then maybe the bigger choices in life, the riskier risks, might not seem so scary.

xxx

Thursday, 13 September 2012

slowly slowly

I seem to be moving at a frustrating sloth like pace this morning. I'm getting things done, just seems to be taking me agggggggggesssssssss.  I think my typing has slowed down, and even eating my breakfast seemed to take forever. Thought that bowl of coco pops was never going to end....needed Coco Monkey to come and give me a hand.

But...the sun is shining, I've had a beautiful present arrive in the post this morning, and I've got a good feeling about today. And if everything is taking me twice as long as usual, then maybe that feeling will stick around for a while too. Ace.

I'd also almost forgotten that I'm going to Devon tomorrow. Hurrah! And just found out that the cycling tour of Britain thingy is Dartmouth on Saturday so it gives me another excuse to get my union jack out and feel all patriotic again. Oh yes. Any excuse.

Although I'm not as excited about packing. Urgh. The stress, the indecision. The sitting on the suitcase praying everything will just fit in. The look on Dads face when he sees how many pairs of shoes I want to take. The attempted preplanning of what outfits might look good that's completely wasted as I end up wearing old jeans and comfy hoodies all week. 

Hmm suppose I'd better stop moaning and get on with it...I may just have a mini 5 minute sunshine break first, got to make the most of this vitamin d....


xxx

Tuesday, 11 September 2012

Its good being small.....

One of the great advantages of being a titchy person (in height) is that you can still fit into children's clothes.

Wave goodbye to VAT if you're under 5"3. That's quite a saving. Especially if like me, you don't work. Pennies make pounds and all that.

And don't get me wrong, before you all have visions of me in pink sparkly dresses with Minnie Mouse emblazoned across them, I only buy the occasional item. Which strictly speaking comes from the teenager section. Or 'young adult'. Its quite fitting really, seeing as I continue to get asked for ID when buying cigarettes and alcohol... What a youthful face I must have. Not if I keep smoking like a chimney though, think that may eventually turn me into a wrinkled old prune.

The other bonus of buying items in the children's section, is that you won't see any of your friends wearing them. And I do like to be little miss original. Downside of course is that you may be out and about and notice a small child sporting your fabulous new top. Possibility of embarrassment and being knocked off the cool stool.

Mama pig just came in and laughed her socks off reading the above paragraph, think my wit must have returned today...HURRAH! Lets all do a little dance.

xxx



Monday, 10 September 2012

monday morning blues

Quarter to twelve and I'm still sat in my dressing gown (with absolutely no intention of getting dressed any time soon...)

Lovely but crazy busy weekend and I'm feeling rather sapped of energy today. I just need space and quiet. Yes. Space is good.

And that's all I can manage to write. Massive fail!

xxx

Friday, 7 September 2012

friday blast off

Three day headache. Ouch. This is not good.

 Wish the blighter would bugger off, but painkillers and caffiene dont even seem to be touching it.

Trying my best to ignore it though as I've got a busy few days....

Off wedding dress shopping tomorrow (not for me of course, for bezzie pal Laura!) and its all very very exciting. Tissues will be needed I am sure, as I seem to cry at the drop of a hat just thinking of her big day. What a softie I am.

But first I need to ride the rail over to Warwick. Hoping for a relaxing journey, otherwise any annoying passengers may have to get poked in the eye.

Ooo also thanks for all the website suggestions for my paintings. I may be asking for some favours...as my technology brain is a little bit wonky these days.

xxx

Wednesday, 5 September 2012

Mid week ramble

If I told you I'd been too busy to write this, would you believe me??

Honestly I think just because I'm off work, people just assume I lounge around all day in my dressing gown watching Jeremy Kyle. This is a great misconception. I promise. The only daytime TV I watch is Homes under the Hammer, and as I've mentioned before, this is purely educational. It prepares me for the day I become a millionaire and want to invest my money in a property portfolio. And although this is fairly unlikely, it doesn't hurt to be prepared...

Anyway, I'm not really sure why I'm wittering on about that. I've got a painting to finish, a suitcase to pack, and a diet coke to drink.

Someone was mentioning the other day about putting together a website of my paintings....it seems a little bit of a scary idea, but the idea is jumping around in my mind a bit. I've no clue how I'd do it though.

Was thinking about.........hmm actually I'm not going to write about that. Sorry, its something that I have been considering doing, then I got in a massive stress about it, realised I would automatically fail, and generally had mini melt down. Not that I'm a drama queen or anything. No, of course not. I was just spiralling. Big time.

Oh I'm boring myself now, none of this is making sense and I really need to get ORGANISED. ( Sounds like I'm really going to do it when I put it in capital letters doesn't it? I may do that more often. Like, I'm going to GET UP NOW. Or I will eat some FRUIT today. The capitals sound like I mean BUSINESS!)

xxx

Sunday, 2 September 2012

FREE

Such a sleepy girl today.

That's what dancing like a maniac until 3am does to you.

YAWN.

Anyway.

As I'm sat here messing around listening to various random songs on you tube, I'm reminded of a song that a certain someone recommended I listen to....

He sent me the link ages ago actually, and I was a bit addicted to listening to it....and then, it went completely out of my head, forgotten for a few months...But now, thinking about the future (which is not something I do very often...or ever, really because quite frankly it scares the hell out of me...) the word free sprung into my word.

Free.

Freedom.

To be free.

To live freely.

To be freed.

I like this sentences....


"Free" by Pete Murray
As far as you know, you will make the distance
Even if everything is falling down,
But don't lose that vision
And don't lose your courage
Until you are standing right here with me now

I want you, to stand up and fight every moment with me
For the truth, it's your love
Your destiny that I see
In my shoes, so tell me when do you wanna be free?
Only you can tell me

And high on emotion, has been a killer for days
It's wearing you out until you slowly fade
Where is that needle, or that damaging blade
It's cutting you up until it empties your gauge

I want you, to stand up and fight every moment with me
For the truth, it's your love
Your destiny that I see
In my shoes, so tell me when do you wanna be free?
Only you can tell me

When do you wanna be free?
When do you wanna be free?
When do you wanna be free?
When do you wanna be free?

xxx