As I lay in bed last night, my mind caught somewhere between slumber and consciousness, I began to ponder the importance of dreams.
And as luck would have it, I ended up having one of the worst nightmares I've had in a long time. I woke up dripping in sweat (gross but sorry I had to share it) and my body covered in scratches. For the most part of today I've still been trapped in last nights dream, the fear and emotion continuing to travel through my body. Its resulted in feeling horribly faint first thing and even now I seem to be having random hot flushes. Which I am of course, far too young to be experiencing!
Why is it that my dreams seem to have such a big impact on my mind and body? People can remind me as much as they want that my dreams "aren't real", but they feel pretty flipping real to me. Because of course, its not necessarily the storyline of dreams that carry such significance, but the emotions that they trigger.
I know I've rattled on about dreams on here before, but I don't really care if I'm repeating myself. I need to digest and work through some of this stuff.
It seems to me, that when I dream, my feelings and emotions are heightened, they become more extreme. I'm either incredibly elated (that occasional reoccurring dream usually involves meeting Take That and marrying one or all four band members....) Or I might be so confused and unable to make a decision that I'm utterly paralysed (this happens in my non dreaming life, so its a bitch that I have to dream about it too...) Or like in last nights dream, I'm terrified. I'm so scared, nothing makes sense, and I'm certain I'm going to die. Everyone is against me and I have no where to turn for help. Horrible, horrible horrible.
So why is it that my mind works in this way, and other people appear to have dreamless sleeps? Nights in which their minds are not disturbed or interrupted. Is it a chemical scientific thing? Or just totally random? I'm quite intrigued in discovering more about the neuroscience behind all this. Although the likelihood that I wouldn't understand all the big long words and technical jargon is fairly high....
But perhaps I'm spending too much time in my dreamworld. Too connected and absorbed in my nocturnal activity that I'm unable to focus on whats going on around me. Hmm. Nah I don't think so, I've not turned into a crazy dream lady searching for significance in every random dream I have. I mean last week I dreamt I had bought a pet baby elephant, and I'm fairly certain that's not going to happen.
Because truthfully, although I hate having nightmares and freaky dreams, they can be kind of helpful. And throughout my counselling, my dreams have been a useful tool to access my emotions that I was attempting to repress. At the end of the day, those feelings are going to come out one way or another.
Hmm yes. Indeed.
Kinda feel like I need to slip in a little joke now just to lighten the mood.... but instead I'm going to scamper off into town to try and find some Internet access and get this badger uploaded....
Oh and if any members of Take That are reading this, then please free to get in touch, and make my dreams come true...I'd prefer Howard or Mark to give me a bell, but Jason and Gary, I wouldn't say no either... Probably more likely I'm going to get that pet baby elephant though...!