Far too much stuff running through my brain. I can't seem to grab onto one particular thought or feeling.
Its as if I'm stood watching the London Marathon runners go past. Zoom zoom zoom they race past faster than you can ever imagine. You see them coming up in the distance, little specs on the horizon and in a flash, suddenly they're gone. You're standing waiting to spot a friend, and you're craning your neck, standing on tip toes, trying to analyse the hundreds of people running past you. Have you missed them? You begin to panic, I need to see them, I want to spot them! Is it too late to catch a glimpse? You have to keep your fingers crossed, and now you really need a wee, so you have to keep your legs crossed too. But you can't chance leaving, just in case you miss them. And if luck is with you, you'll spot them. They were looking for you, you were looking for them. You shout, scream, and cheer, before the moment quickly passes.
That's how my mind feels right now. I have a hundred thoughts and feeling racing through my brain, and I'm desperately searching and hoping to find the one called hope. Hope and love, and maybe a bit of Christmas cheer. Its just that in my depressed brain, the runners at the front are called hopelessness, worthless, darkness, despair, envy, failure. And they're the ones that take over the race. They block everything else out and tell me that the world would be so much better off without Susie Piggott.