I feel bad for writing my blog tonight, but I need to. My fingers need to type and my brain is overflowing.
I haven't felt good today.
Its been a day where the black dog has been barking non stop. I've tried to shut him up, put him back in his kennel, but instead, he's just got bigger and louder.
Logically speaking, I shouldn't feel like this.
I've just got engaged, I should be on the top of the world!
And I am.
Its just that I have depression too. And that doesn't go away.
Today, I could have been transported to Disney land, given a plate of sausage rolls, and allowed to pick my very own Chanel handbag, and I wouldn't have felt any different.
The black dog would still be barking. I would still want to curl up in my bed and hide. It would still be a huge effort to force myself to eat dinner. It would still be a battle to talk to anyone.
There is no rhyme or reason. Its just the way it is.
I am embarrassed and ashamed to be this way. I feel guilty for not being normal. For not being able to stay in that light happy place.
But I have accepted it.
And that's why I writing it.
Out here, online, on facebook, twitter, for all the world to see.
Because I want you to accept it too.