Today I have mostly tried to do nothing.
Which can be surprisingly difficult.
Especially when you feel like you should be doing something.
But I really needed a nothing day.
A day of doing nothing.
This past week has been super lovely, but super crazy too and by Wednesday my anxiety levels were sky high. Which was particularly irritating as it happened to be Mr B's birthday, and I really didn't want to feel anxious on a day of celebration.
Its one of the most irksome and irritating things about anxiety and depression.
You might be celebrating something, or seeing friends, or have an event you have been looking forward, but your mind is clouded. You know you should be happy and enjoying yourself, but you're sinking in the darkness, or spiralling out of control, and you cant get out of that place. And the fact that you should be happy, makes you feel worse, guilty, and more frustrated.
The black dog takes over your mind and body, and even now, when I know that he will eventually get back in his kennel, its still tough.
Tough but manageable I guess.
Which I hope gives people hope. (Awful grammar I know, massive apology.)
And so all of the above is an explanation as to why I had a nothing day. Because of course, me being me, I felt guilty for not doing something.
But perhaps I should try my best to bask in the glory of my nothing day...
I managed to achieve it! I didn't do anything! I didn't get out of my pyjamas until 3pm this afternoon! I haven't brushed my hair or washed my face! (So gross, but you have to achieve this on a nothing day.) And I watched endless hours of my favourite TV dramas! Yay for nothing days! I did it!