Trying to kick the black dog

Do you ever worry so much about the future that you forget to appreciate the present?

Susanna Ruth is guilty as charged.

Naughty girl.

Its a frustrating vicious circle for me. Let me explain.....

Last year I concentrated on living for each day, trying to appreciate each moment, and not to worry about the future. In fact, I blocked out the future. Pretty much refused to talk about it. Pretended it wasn't there. Some might say, a kind of denial, but for a time, it worked.

Now I'm in a new place, a better place, but still on the road to recovery. I understand that its good to think about the future. I now enjoy having things to look forward to, instead of dreading the endless time ahead of me.

But somehow, the black dog still seems to weasel his way into these thought patterns.

Instead of thinking positively about the future, the black dog plants an endless field of doubting seeds in my mind. Spiralling, I am consumed with questions and negative thoughts.

Loss.
Pain.
Fear.
Failure.
What if.
What if.
Alone.

I'm trying my best to fight the black dog, and once again hold onto the word emblazoned on my arm.

Hope. I have to hope.
Hope for a better future.
And learn to love each day in the present.

xxx