With so many million people on this planet, I sometimes think how miraculous it must be when you find that one person you want to spend the rest of your life with. I really can't get my head round it. It puzzles me greatly.
Not entirely sure where this is going, but the sentences just keep on shooting out of my fingertips, so I'm going to roll with it....
I am a sucker for romance. Not the heart shaped chocolate soppy kind, but real old fashioned romance. When lovers would travel across continents to get declare there love for one another. Maybe that still happens, I don't know, but somewhere along the way I think true romance has been lost. Not that I know an awful lot about it, but it seems to me that I would rather have my knight in shining armour look after me when I'm really poorly, smooth my brow, clear up my sick, and get my medicine, rather than buy me a bunch of flowers and a card from Clinton's. Anyone can do that, but really being there for someone, is a lot tougher. And when life gets shit, you don't want someone to carry you through it, or around it, but to hold your hand and walk through it together.
My other romantic ideal comes from 'Jane Eyre', one of my absolute favourite books. The connection that Jane and Mr Rochester have is something far greater than romance, lust or love, its an inseparable understanding. They believe and accept they are two parts to a greater whole. My Mum has to remind me quite frequently that its only a book, and that kind of romance doesnt exist in real life, but something within me won't let it go.
I always hoped to find someone who would understand me completely. And its only now that I'm delving deeper into my psyche that I realise that understanding will never happen. I don't think you can ever fully understand another person, its virtually impossible. But the next best thing would be acceptance. That's pretty romantic. Accepting me as I am. Not wanting to change me. Not wanting me to be a bit more sporty, or a bit less grumpy, or not as free spirited. Maybe even liking me just as I am. Ha! Wouldn't that be a treat.
I'm getting a little bit angry as I write this now, thinking about someone who has tried to change me in the past. And I didn't even notice! How scary is that. But when you're in a vulnerable place, that stuff just washes over you. Ooh I need to calm down a bit, I'm really getting worked up now. Which is good in a way, better to be angry than just feel numb I guess. I would like to poke someone in the eye though. With a massive stick.
I would like to believe that my kindred spirit is out there, but again, I think that's just my romantic ideals taking over.
What I do know is, that I have some amazing kindred spirits in my life already. How lucky is that? And a love between friends, is never lost, it never changes, it just gets stronger.
I don't know why the hell I've been rambling on about all this romance crap tonight.
Maybe I'll end on some wise words from Carrie Bradshaw.....