Lying on my bed last night, my mind was consumed with what I had written in my blog. Why had I wittered on for so long about romance? Maybe I should pop back downstairs and delete the post. I shifted uncomfortably across the cushions, not able to find a place to snuggle into. I began to curse my own writing, my stupid wandering mind, and wondered why I even keep writing this blog....
A day later, and a fresh perspective.
I know I'm my own worst enemy, my biggest critic, I will always find some fault in my writing. But I also know that I write this for myself, its a stream of consciousness, and I have to respect that! Big respect to the typing fingers.
Good phrase, I must remember that one.
Managed to get out of the house and meet a complete stranger for a drink today! Well, not a complete stranger, but someone that I don't really know that well...So another little milestone I think. Anxiety levels were under control, and I actually had some fun too. Bonus!
I've found that as time ticks on I'm able to talk about my illness with a lot greater ease now. And not just the depression stuff, but just myself generally. I used to make so many apologies and excuses for my lifestyle, or the failings that I had made throughout my life. But now, something has shifted, and I don't care what people think. Hmmm is that the truth? Not sure now actually.....I think it is. I'm searching for the right word...
Openness. Is that a word?
Which is kind of funny that I'm saying that really, as this blog is a pretty massive open door....!
I just hope that all small steps will lead to the light.
Its not a sprint, its a marathon.