Friday, 25 November 2011

big respect

Lying on my bed last night, my mind was consumed with what I had written in my blog. Why had I wittered on for so long about romance? Maybe I should pop back downstairs and delete the post. I shifted uncomfortably across the cushions, not able to find a place to snuggle into. I began to curse my own writing, my stupid wandering mind, and wondered why I even keep writing this blog....

A day later, and a fresh perspective.

Thank goodness.

I know I'm my own worst enemy, my biggest critic, I will always find some fault in my writing. But I also know that I write this for myself, its a stream of consciousness, and I have to respect that! Big respect to the typing fingers.

Good phrase, I must remember that one.

Managed to get out of the house and meet a complete stranger for a drink today! Well, not a complete stranger, but someone that I don't really know that well...So another little milestone I think. Anxiety levels were under control, and I actually had some fun too. Bonus!

I've found that as time ticks on I'm able to talk about my illness with a lot greater ease now. And not just the depression stuff, but just myself generally. I used to make so many apologies and excuses for my lifestyle, or the failings that I had made throughout my life. But now, something has shifted, and I  don't care what people think. Hmmm is that the truth? Not sure now actually.....I think it is. I'm searching for the right word...

Openness. Is that a word?

Being open.

Which is kind of funny that I'm saying that really, as this blog is a pretty massive open door....!

I just hope that all small steps will lead to the light.

Its not a sprint, its a marathon.



  1. Every day I have that feeling that my post was just rambling or said too much but you're right. I need to remember who I'm blogging for.
    Thanks for the reminder! :-)

  2. I too have found myself being more open. My twitter was always protected untill recently when I decided I haves nothing to be ashamed of. This isnt my fault and I, we, should be proud of ourselves for battling through the darkness! I dont tell everybody I chat to. XX

  3. Keep writing, keep fighting, keep being open!!
    :-) xxxxx