Tuesday, 6 September 2011

Just now

Ridiculously tired again.

I slept for nearly 12 hours last night, so really I should be well rested and full of beans. Instead, I feel like I've been to an all night rave and can barely keep my peepers open.

My sleeping pattern has gone so wonky since Bella passed away. I'm so used to hearing her little snuffling noises in the night and just liked the reassurance of her being near me. I'm not a very big fan of sleeping on my own...the dark can be a bit scary! I've been on and off sleeping tablets for a while now. They can be really good to just get back into a normalish routine with sleep. Because, from my experience, everything always seems a whole lot worse when you're completely knackered. But like the Valium, they can be sneakily addictive so I have to just control myself!

Its quite funny because I remember when my psychiatrist first prescribed me Valium and warned me that you can get addicted to them. I totally rubbished the idea, and wrote a blog entry about how sure I was that I wouldn't get addicted. Ha. Little did I know. Those tablets are so hard to come off. You feel so relaxed when you're on them. It was a nightmare trying to ween myself off them. Such a nightmare in fact that in the interim period I've started smoking again. Whoops. These things happen. Its not forever.

 Forever is a scary word actually. Even thinking about tomorrow, or next week or next month freaks me out.....

I just have to concentrate on right now.

This moment.

This minute.

This second.

When I just discovered this song........cheesy but good....



p.s For those who might be wondering, Bella was my dog! Didnt want there to be any confusion....!

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