I mentioned on a previous blog that my counsellor encouraged me to write my own mantras. They are positive statements that I have written myself into my little notebook. The aim is to try and say them out loud to myself every day, and eventually they should stick in my brain. My memory has gone to absolute mashed potatoes recently, so as I sat here, I wondered whether they had made any lasting impression....turns out....those mantra nuggets are starting to take up residence in my mind, hurrah!
I know it sounds totally bizarre and maximum cheese levels have been reached. But when you are broken down to the most basic of shells, you wonder whatever happened to you. Realising that its not your fault, is a massive step, and one that I have to continue to repeat. Because if I had a nasty virus or a broken bone I wouldn't be beating myself up about it, I would probably be annoyed but I would accept it and move forward. Your mind being broken up is a totally different concept. It feels like a gigantic jigsaw, when you're not even sure what the finished picture is supposed to be.
Reaching out for help is the most important step. I wouldn't be sat here typing this had it not been for my medication, my counselling, and of course my amazing family and friends. I'm sorry if that sounds dark and scary, and maybe its too personal for people. But this is a scary illness. And we need to talk about it. I am by no means an expert....I'm just trying to find ways of surviving, and I desperately want other people to know that they are not alone.
I feel like I have been wittering on for far too long now, this has got all deep and meaningful tonight! My mum and dad often ask me what I'm going to write my blog about each day. The interesting thing is, I genuinely don't know until I sit down, blank screen staring out at me. The impulse and creativity...and a lot of babbling rubbish....just kind of flows out. It feels good.
Maybe I should finish on some hilarious story now just to lift the mood slightly....Ummmmm....
Ooooo here is a joke for you...for which I cannot take credit for, but a lovely lady from the west country emailed it to me, and it still has me laughing every time I think about it....
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop!!! hahahahahahah!!
Anyway anyway.......here are my mantras............
Don't forget who you are Susie.
You are made up of millions of particles, different from anyone else in the world.
A human creature, an earthly being. Nobody is perfect, we are all flawed.
Hope can often hide, but always be found.
Things have happened in your life and you have reacted to them. They are not failings.
Challenge guilt, fear and failure. Don't let them rule your mind.
Don't carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, share the load.
Depression and anxiety are not signs of weakness. They are an illness.
It is not your fault that you have depression and anxiety.
Now is the time for self-discovery. Be selfish.
Big love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx