I have just single handidly (spelling?) decided what to have for dinner, cooked it, and eaten it.
All of it!
Not only that, but, the meal was full of vegetables! I think I may have actually eaten 5 of my 5 a day. Who knows when that last happened!
And, also, it wasn't just one of my 'safe' meals. I actually branched out and tried something new. Thai green soupy thing to be specific.
I'm really rather proud of myself.
Mock me if you must, but these small hurdles are kind of important in my journey.
Decision making is always hard for me, but when it comes to food its sometimes just impossible. Black dog just cant help but creep in at those moments and take a massive bite out of my brain. Bastard.
I have certain foods that are 'safe'. By safe I mean, I know I like them, I know I will be able to finish whats on my plate, and I wont be overwhelmed by them. My safe foods are honey or marmite sandwiches (obviously not together...), pasta and sauce, coco pops, crumpets, crisps, chips, chicken nuggets...and that's pretty much it. There are other things but I don't want to bore myself (or you.)
I don't just eat these safe foods 7 days a week, but they're like my little back ups. Always there for me when I need to fill my tum. If I'm having a bad day then eating is more of a struggle for me, so a safe food is a safe choice.
Perhaps some of it is about control.
Probably quite a lot of it is about control to be honest.
I still have to sit in a certain place, use particular cutlery that knowone else has, and I still cut up all my food before I eat it. But I think a lot of people are like that. One of my friends was teasing me the other day and said I ate like a 3 year old. It was pretty funny actually.
But I just hate feeling overwhelmed, and so by taking choices out of the equation, it makes my brain a lot happier.
So I think I've done well to make a break from the cycle for a change. And I know I really need to eat more vegetables and fruit. Its a start anyway.
Apologies if this doesnt make sense, I think I'm just a little delerious after kicking the black dog in the chops.