Tuesday, 20 March 2012


Theres a certain song in the charts at the moment that I can't get out of my head. Every time I put the radio on it seems to be playing and I can't help but sing along as loud as I possibly can...It makes me want to jump around, scream, hit something, do a little dance, shake my head in a crazy way, and then jump around some more.

It makes me feel strong. And thats a pretty weird feeling for me to have because I'm something of a weakling. I have weedy little arm muscles, and as a bit of boxercise proved today, I'm totally crap at punching. I get tired ridiculously tired all the time, and sometimes wonder if a pensioner has better stamina than me.

But theres something about this song that reminds me that I'm stronger than I realise. That every day, I get up (well, not every day...) and try to fight the black dog. Sometimes its just by managing to get out of my pyjamas, another day it might be getting out of the house, or helping someone else, even just chatting to someone and smiling...each time I do something other than crawling into a ball and feeling the darkness consume me I'm showing some strength. But I'm going to beat myself up about the times when this does happen. Thats the nature of my illness, and sometimes hiding in my duvet is the only option. 

And most of the time I dont feel strong. Black dog feels like its winning 99% of the time, because he's a right bastard and likes me to feel weak. He doesnt like it when I'm strong enough to put him on a lead.

So Mr Guetta, thank you for this song, its drowning out the barking.


titanium [taɪˈteɪnɪəm]
(Chemistry / Elements & Compounds) a strong malleable white metallic element, which is very corrosion-resistant and occurs in rutile and ilmenite. It is used in the manufacture of strong lightweight alloys, esp aircraft parts. Symbol: Ti; atomic no.: 22; atomic wt.: 47.88; valency: 2, 3, or 4; relative density: 4.54; melting pt.: 1670±10°C; boiling pt.: 3289°C

David Guetta feat Sia, Titanium

You shout it out
But I can't hear a word you say
I'm talking loud not saying much
I'm criticized but all your bullets ricochet
You shoot me down, but I get up

I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose
Fire away, fire away
Ricochet, you take your aim
Fire away, fire away
You shoot me down but I won't fall
I am titanium
You shoot me down but I won't fall
I am titanium

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