That's the sound of you smashing the 30,000 hits mark on this blog! Massive high fives people, thank you so much for your ongoing support. You are all totally ace.
I am somewhat of a sleepy lady this evening as I have been doing a little bit of gallivanting. Which included getting my bike out for the first time in 10 years(!) This afternoon I washed it, pumped the tyres, and rode it around the garden....(I'm not quite ready for the roads of Saltford yet...) It was all really rather fun. I think I need to take it for an MOT at the bike shop or something, and maybe get a nice little bell. I used to have a Dennis the Menace bell actually, but that seems to have disappeared....Luckily I haven't grown since I was 13 so the bike still fits me, AND its purple, double bonus.
What also seems to be exciting today is the fact I'm actually enjoying the sunshine. This time last year I hated sunny days. They made everything worse and I just wanted the grey clouds to come back and swallow me up. Everyone would say, "At least its sunny!" And I would think, you have no idea how I feel because I actually prefer the rain or just give me darkness. Sunshine somehow links to happiness and I hated being reminded that others were happy, or that I should be happy. Now I've reached a point when it doesn't matter either way. I am indifferent to the weather, I've stopped thinking about how the weather should make me feel, and instead just concentrate on what I'm feeling. Does that make sense? Maybe indifferent is the wrong word....I'm not doing a very good job of explaining myself...
I think this year my eyes have been opened. Its like I'm seeing the beauty of seasons for the first time. Despite all the coldness and darkness of winter, it brings forth the warmth and hope of spring. Winter is the time when everything goes to sleep, animals, plants, even we want to hibernate, as we try and spend more time cosied up in the warmth.
Nature needs to sleep, and winter is a time to rest and heal. Just like humans, nature cannot perform at full strength all year round, its impossible. I think that as a society we can sometimes forget this. We are pressurised into thinking we should be out there 'doing' all year round. Whether its climbing up the career ladder, or making our homes more presentable, whatever it is, we forget that like the outside world around us, we need to take time out. Our bodies need a break, time out to reboot, to re-energise. And winter is the perfect opportunity for this. Its too cold to go whizzing around outside anyway! I know that I'm waffling and its coming to the end of winter now...so what I'm writing is a bit pointless....but I will carry on regardless!
I just believe that we should take more time out to connect to the changing seasons, and most importantly not to beat ourselves up when life gets difficult. We don't have to 'keep on going' we can take a break. I remember once when I was going through a breakup and went to work the next day, everyone said to me, "Its better to keep busy!" And looking back, it was the worst possible advice. Not only did I have the stress and emotion of the relationship ending, but I also had the added pressure of my job. What I needed was space and time. To adjust, to sort my head out, and to get things back into perspective. But it was totally impossible.
Whether its winter, spring or summer, life is always going to be full of change. Endings and beginnings are imminent, and we need to be able to listen to our bodies. To hear the inner voice when it can no longer cope. To block out outside pressures of work, family, friends, the media, and to have the confidence to do what is right for you. Its scary and like the winter storms, things often get worse before they get better. But like the first snowdrops that peep through the hard frost, a little bit of hope will get you through.