Sunday, 1 January 2012


As the inevitable countdown to midnight began, a dozen images flashed before my eyes. Quickly followed by the most annoying questions...In those ten seconds, my brain did something like this...

I miss her. Shall I get another dog?
Mmm. Oreos.
Shit. What am I going to do this year?
My bed.
I've spent nearly a whole year in bed. Is anything going to change?
I love my new shoes.
Its nearly midnight.
What was I doing this time last year?

Confused and disorientated, I was suddenly surrounded by cheers of 'Happy New Year!'. Turning round, I gave Fiona a massive hug. And thats when it hit me.

My tears poured out uncontrollably, and I realised, I'm here.

I'm alive.

I've survived.

I've been given another chance.

There have been so many points throughout the last year when I never thought I would make it. The most significant and scary  being when I took matters into my own hands and took an overdose. That day will never leave me, and actually I dont ever want to forget it.

I tried to die, I wanted to end my life, but somehow, I made it through.

And if I can survive that, then I think I can face anything.

2011 has been the weirdest and darkest year of my life.
A surreal experience..
Yet, its been a year in which I have grown, changed and learnt so much about myself.
Would I change it?
Strangely, I dont think I would.

2011 has also been a year when I have learnt what love really means.
True love between family and friends.
Love that goes through hell and back, and is still there, it doesnt fade, in fact, it gets stronger.

I am eternally thankful to everyone who has been a ray of light in my world of darkness throughout 2011.

Keep shining, and I hope my light will burn a little brighter too


1 comment:

  1. Where there's shoe-joy there's hope!

    Congrats on making it through the year. It sounds like the difficult journey will enhance your life overall and it's great that you can see that perspective.