Thursday, 3 November 2011

yes, I am a poorly girl

I'm in a weird mood.

Weirder than usual.

Unsettled somehow.

Maybe due to the fact that I didn't sleep last night, and instead had a 3 hour lunchtime nap.


Hmm. Not sure.

Going to London next week for a few days, and I'm getting quite excited about having a change of scenery. But not looking forward to organising and packing. Yuk. Hate packing. So stressful. And its always warmer in London which just puts a spanner in the works in terms of wardrobe choices. Decisions decisions. (Note to all Londoners whom I like, do get in touch if you want to share a coffee...not that I expect you to share your coffee with me, because, actually, I don't like coffee and will be drinking diet coke...)

Ah, I'm making such a lot of nonsensical sense tonight. Excellent.

I do have a mental illness though, so maybe that can be my excuse....

In fact, sometimes, when I'm walking around town, holding my little shell (it helps my anxiety), listening to my ipod at full blast and not being able to look people in the eye, or when I'm in a cafe and have to chop up all my food, I think, maybe I should wear a badge. "Hello! My name is Susie, and I have depression and anxiety. Stay away!" Ha. No. That last bit is a joke really. I like people talking to me. As long as they don't smell of feet. I just don't want people to think I'm being rude, or standoffish, that there is a reason for my awkward and perhaps sometimes nervous behaviour. But as always, that's probably my own fears and anxieties that I'm transferring onto other people, without ever knowing the truth.

But its kind of a serious point. Because I have to remind myself that I do have an illness. That I haven't made myself like this. And just as someone with a physical illness or injury has to take time and space to recover, so must I.

You would think after all this time I would remember that by now. Perhaps the brain of Susie Piggott is a little on the slow side. My silly brain cells need to do a bit of catching up. I wish I could pluck them out and give them a good talking to, promising chocolate treats as rewards for excellent behaviour. Ha! Although, thinking about that in a medical literal sense makes me feel a bit gross and funny. Not a big fan of blood and stuff. I imagine that my brain cells wear cute cowboy boots and crazy glasses. They have round bouncy bodies, and they all ping around on my jelly like brain. It sounds really rather fun. They're just a bit naughty sometimes. And I think they get taken over by the black dog. Poor little nuggets.