What to wear?

After almost a year of practically living in my jeans (which have now ripped on the knee because I've worn them so much) and grey hoodie, I have completely lost all confidence in what to wear.

When I was working full time, I used to spend at least an hour and a half getting ready in the morning. I was always trying out new hairstyles and pushing the fashion boundaries. And I think I was quite good at it. Some people even used to ask me for advice. I could have fun with my clothes, I enjoyed dressing up.

But, I guess, the negative side was that part of me was trying to cover up my true feelings. I immersed myself in my image and my costume. It was like I was playing a part in a play, and wearing the right clothes came with that package.

And now?

Now I just feel lost!

My wardrobe taunts me, and my clothes play tricks on me. Its not trick or treat, more like trick and more tricks. A pretty dress suddenly turns into a dull potato sack as soon as I pull it over my head. A pair of heels make me look like a hooker. A pair of trousers that were once favourites, now just make me insanely paranoid about my VPL (thats visible panty line for all the male readers...)

I have no idea what suits me, because even when I try to get out of my trackies, and put something different on, I don't really feel any better. In fact, sometimes, I feel even more ridiculous. When wearing my shitty ripped jeans, I think, at least they suit my mood. They co-ordinate quite well with the big grey bags under my eyes that never seem to shift, and the always slightly frizzy hair that seems to have lost its way, and of course, not forgetting the ever spotty skin. When I put something nice on, my face just doesn't match.

I know I'm moaning, but it does feel better to write things down, so please bare with me...

I just wish I had a fairy godmother, someone to help me. Maybe Gok or Trinny and Susannah could pop round. Actually maybe not Gok, I don't think I want him fondling my breasts and calling them bangers. But Trinny and Susannah would do, they could probably do with the work after all. I need them to take the depression out of my wardrobe and give me some direction.

Honestly, that bloody black dog gets everywhere. Literally, no escape.

x