dont forget sooz

Sleepy Sooz.

Big yawn and stretch.

Maybe I'll write this later. Because I think any minute my head might fall off my neck and crash into the computer screen. Either that or I'll start typing with my eyes closed. Ooo I just did that for this sentence. No typo's.....whooppeee.

Mama Piggott's birthday today, which she has thoroughly enjoyed, (the caterpillar cake was a big hit...) For me, its been a day where I've done even more thinking than usual....

Not a day goes by when I dont think about my suicide attempt in September. It was a turning point for me, and my tattoo is a constant reminder that I don't ever want to be in that place again. But at the same time, I don't ever really think about how other people reacted to that day, or whether they think about it.

I draw strength from the fact that I'm still here, 25 and staying alive....And perhaps, it was only this morning when I gave my Mama her birthday card, and she started to cry, that I realised, I could of missed this day. I could of easily carried on taking those tablets. I wouldnt of been here to celebrate her birthday. Honestly, its been scaring the bejeeesus out of me, but in a good way. I dont want to miss out, and I think people need me, I certainly need them anyway.

This is all completly muddled up. Awful  awful writing tonight.

 But I really dont want to forget this feeling....

And I'm having such trouble describing it....

Maybe for the first time........I'm just glad that I'm here.

xxx