I've run away to Nottingham to join the circus. In the hope that I might feel a little better in my new found profession as a lion tamer...What can I say, its a calling that I couldn't ignore any longer.I have a lovely little caravan and all the other circus folk are most friendly. The clowns especially. What great japes they have up their sleeves, although I'm already a bit bored of the whoopee cushion scenario.The lions are lovely. Not at all scary. But very cuddly and wise in a kind of Aslan from Narnia sense. So really my job is very easy, not too much taming involved.
And obviously all of the above is a great big lie, but I thought it might be more interesting than the truth....! I must admit I did get a little bit carried away....overactive imagination and all that.
But I am in Nottingham, and I can't deny that its good to have a change of scenery.
And I think that's the only positive I can find.
I've been feeling shitty all weekend. Useless, stupid, idiotic, unlikeable, hate, hate, hate, completely fed up, so annoyed with myself for not being able to get well, I'm my own worst enemy, wish I looked different, wish I was different, a different person, does anybody want to swop?
Ha. Unlikely, and actually I wouldn't want to put anybody through the darkness that lives in me.
Its all my own fault and I want it to STOP.