Saturday, 10 September 2011

oh flippin heck

Struggling to find the right words....Yawn.

I'm listening to some cheesy Christina Aguilera in the hope that it might inspire me.

Its all very well for her to sing about everyone being beautiful when she looks absolutely stunning herself. I bet she never has spots or crazily bad hair days. Ugh.

I know I ramble on about my shitty body image a lot but its on my mind again tonight. And its all kind of linked up really. To make some sort of progress I know I need to like myself a little bit. Inside and out. Mind and body. Its a two for one offer. Buy one, get one free. They come as a package. And I don't like either of them! Some people (possibly my counsellor) would probably say that I need to learn to love myself....but I feel like that's aiming too high, so I'm just going to try and aim for 'like a little bit'.

It just seems an impossible task. Something that I'm never going to achieve.

I wasn't always like this. I can remember, way back in the olden days, when I felt comfortable in my own skin. When I didn't compare myself to everyone else. When I didn't want to rip my own face apart and ask God to start again please. I was kind of content with who I was. Where did all that go? How do I get it back?

 How can you learn to like yourself?

And the more I hate myself, the more I dislike myself, I just seem to continue on this path of self distruction.

What comes before liking something? Tolerating it? Respecting it? I'm laughing as I type this because I have zero toleration or respect for myself! Ahh you've got to laugh sometimes....otherwise a tiny tear might pop out of your eye...!


I have no idea what I'm talking about....

Step away from the keyboard Sooz.......


1 comment:

  1. OK. Ridiculous thought coming up. Best definition of faith I ever heard was this ... if you do before you get it what you would do if you had it then you've got it. (J. John) You don't have to like yourself but if you act as if you do you might start to. Tell me I'm an idiot if this is stupid. I need to hear it. Love etc.