I'd like to take a moment, a quiet moment, to pause, reflect, and say goodbye to my little pink phone.
We've had a great 3 years together, but now the time has come for us to go our separate ways.
We've been mocked, laughed at, almost thrown out of the window, but we got through it together.
We stayed strong.
We knew, deep down, that everyone was just jealous of your cuteness.
Nobody believed you had the internet, some even suggested you used dial-up, but you logged on every day, and you were marvellous.
Your reflective surface has saved me from many embarrassing bogies up my nose, and basil in my teeth.
In awkward social situations, I've been able to whip you out of my bag, you've been my conversation saviour. Immediately I'd hear the compliments and questions flood from in all sides.
Well, not always compliments, you have divided a nation. Loved and hated equally, some friends wanted to kidnap you, others threatened to drown you in their pint of beer.
I want you to know, that I'm not replacing you. You could never be replaced. Its just that you're a little bit broken, and I've got to roll with the techno times. Apparently its all about touch screens and 4G now, whatever that is.
Don't worry, you're not going to be transported to a recycle centre. I wouldn't dream of trading you in for a tenner. Oh no. You will be kept safe, snuggled up in bubble wrap, and in years to come, I'm sure you will carry some antique value...or maybe just some comedy value...