Well, its that time of year again, and as much as many of us want to ignore it, Christmas is being flung at us from every direction.
The town lights have been switched on, the adverts have started, the festive tunes are beginning to blast out of the radio and shops have had a Christmas make over.
Red and gold, 3 for 2, half price, glitter and gold, especially for you.
I cant remember much about December 2011, or December 2010. Or even a couple of years preceding that....
Christmas was never the same for me after my Grandpa died, he was always my Father Christmas. He used to get so excited when December came around. Each year he would get his ancient Christmas tree out and perform minor surgery on the Angel Gabriel. He loved having the family altogether. Jim Reeves tunes would be played on repeat and for Grandpa, there was nothing more glorious than his beloved Christmas pudding and custard.
Gramps passed away 7 years ago last week, and as much as I still miss him, this was the first year that I forgot to mark the day. I remembered it yesterday and felt a wave of guilt....but then I decided to turn that guilt around....
Because you see, I have decided that this Christmas is going to be different. I will not be a zombie. I will not be on autopilot. I will not be numb. Instead, I'm going to make the most of each moment.
Instead of mourning the past, and missing all that Christmas used to be, I'm going to make new memories. And I know that this is what Grandpa would want, and now I'm finally in a place where I can do that.
This may not make much sense and writing about Christmas can often be so cheesy. And I'm lactose intolerant so I hope its not too cheese filled. I'm having trouble expressing what I need to now, my head is getting a bit muddled, and again I'm conscious of writing what I want to say in the wrong way. Ooh silly brain. Try again Susie.
Love. Hope. Thankfulness.
That's my Christmas.
And I'm going to try my best to pass it on.