tired and spiralling

Tired.

Belly ache.

Tired again.

Brain ache.

Yawn.

Going to be 26 on Wednesday. I don't want to be 26. But at least I'm not ignoring the day this year. But I still don't feel top banana about it. But I don't ever really feel top banana about anything. I just want to stay 25. Oh. Bugger. Too many but but buts....Oh fuckity.

Everyone is reaching and goal chasing and achieving and doing and living and marrying and having babies and getting all happy and smiley. And I'm still here!! And I don't care that was a stupidly long sentence and I'm being extraordinarily grammatically incorrect. Well maybe I do. I pretend not to care about lots of things. I pretend I don't want lots of things because I know I'm never going to have them, so its easier to say I don't want them. But I do. And it makes me feel worse. And getting older just rubs it all in. Again. Bloody brilliant.

Confused Sooz.

Brain spiralling.

Lets have a cigarette and make it stop for 2 mins.

x