She dreamed

Utterly fed up of having  non stop rubbish black dog days.

Urgh.

It feels like if I have 1 day that is a bit better then I am punished by having 4 completely stinking sodding days without the light.

(Metaphorically speaking of course, my house does have electricity, and  the lights are on, I'm not sat here using candles...)

I've tried to get out of the house. I've tried distracting myself. I've kept myself busy. I've even tried to dance around the living room with my nephew.

But to no avail. Nothing is working.

Which makes me wonder, whats the point of trying? Maybe I should just conserve that energy, and do what my brain and body really crave, which is, of course, my bed.

My lovely, beautiful, warm and cosy bed.

The only place I can curl into a ball, make myself a little nest, and wish the world away. Where I can imagine that the last year hasn't really happened, its all been one long nightmare, and I can wake up, fresh, shiny and new. No blemishes, no scars, no more tears.

I can disappear in my bed. Pretend that Susie Piggott doesn't really exist. That I have vanished, and I don't ever have to come back. That I can sleep forever if I want to, and I never have to wake up.

I'm safe in my bed. I'm safe when I'm asleep (well...apart from the nightmares....but we'll forget about that for now...)

Closing my eyes, and hugging my legs tightly to me, I try and train my brain to take me to my beach. Where I can walk alone across the sand and see the sun dipping down into the ocean. My toes are tickled by the seaweed in the rockpools and I watch the crabs scuttling between the rocks. I can feel the breeze against my face, soft and warm. Digging my hands into the sand, I look around me, just to check no-one else is around. And then I run, as quick as I can to the inviting waves, and let the sea wash over me.


"Paradise by Coldplay"

When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach
So she ran away in her sleep
Dreamed of  paradise
paradise
paradise
Every time she closed her eyes

When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach
And the bullets catch in her teeth

Life goes on
It gets so heavy
The wheel breaks the butterfly
Every tear, a waterfall
In the night, the stormy night
She closed her eyes
In the night, the stormy night
Away she flied

And dreamed of  paradise
 paradise
 paradise

She dreamed of paradise
paradise
paradise

So lying underneath those stormy skies.
She said I know the sun must set to rise.

This could be  paradise
 paradise
This could be  paradise

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6ZWlDks0nQ

xxxx