Not much blog writing done this week.
Now its time to have a little catch up.
Sometimes writing really helps me feel a bit better. It can be such a good release to get all my muddled up thoughts onto paper. But this week has been such a roller coaster, I haven't really known where to start. Also, the Internet has been broken for a few days....Which, for me, has probably been a good thing. Not really for my Dad though, who works at home and was having to do all his emails on his little phone with his thumbs that are probably a bit too big....(Insert tiny giggle here.)
Humm. I still don't really know where to start. I would quite like to make this bit of writing a bit hopeful, but I'm in a horrible place with black dog and he seems to be blocking everything else out.
My mind is consumed with hatred for myself. Disgust. I'm so tired. Exhausted. I haven't got the energy to fight this raging illness anymore. I would quite like to disappear.
Some amazing people continue to reach out to me, channelling through their own strength and I'm desperately trying to cling onto some part of that. But I just feel like I'm side of a cliff, I've already fallen off, and there is just a tiny little weedy bit of plant that is just about taking my weight. This all sounds a little bit Indiana Jones. And in my mind, it kind of is. After all, I've always been a big fan of his hat. Although very scared of the films. Especially the bit with the monkey brains. Eeek.
I am sounding like a broken record that is constantly on repeat and you just cant make it stop.
Somebody make it stop.
I would like to be turned off now.