Mind is a little bit frazzled this evening...
I was able to go for lunch with a good pal today which was so lovely. To be able to want to go and to actually achieve it was amazing. And I didn't freak out, have a panic attack or anything! Wahey....I'm just going to ignore the fact that it took me about 2 hours to get ready...!
I realise it might seem so odd to people that these normal tasks take such a super human amount of effort for me. But thats just the way it is (its pretty weird for me too....) For so long I was pretending, acting, playing a part, doing normal everyday stuff and having to keep all the anxiety, stress and depression below the surface. Its a relief to be honest with myself and other people. And for people to accept me and be so understanding... Thank you..... :-)
I am learning just how important it is to let our bodies have time to heal. So much of our lives feel like a race, a competition. We often want to just ignore the bad stuff, get rid of it quickly, so we can move on and forget it. Sometimes we can think that we have dealt with issues, but if we don't truely address this nasty stuff, it just comes back and bites you on the arse even harder. And it seriously hurts twice as much. Those teeth are sharp, yikes....! Anyway I think I might be getting a little cheesy and presumotious....so I will stop there.....!
I should probably go back upstairs to the bombsite that is my room. I had a little trying on session earlier which was extremely frustrating as everything is just massive on me...But then I remembered SHOES! I love you shoes.......And my feet are the same size......They haven't changed.....They still fit! I think I'll go and pop some heels on, who cares if I'm not going anywhere....if it makes me feel better....lets go strut....!