Saturday, 13 September 2014

anXiOuS

My mind is once again spiraling out of control, and I've found myself drawn towards my blog, in the hope of easing some of my anxiety.

I have various little tips and tricks that can help with my anxiety....

Trying not to think too much about the future (a toughie but a goody.)

Keeping my hands busy when trying to relax (knitting, loom bands, or even just playing good old fashioned solitaire.)

Writing things down (because I get anxious that I'm forgetting all the VERY IMPORTANT things I need to do.)

However, despite having these little tricks up my sleeve, that do help me from day to day, over the past few weeks my anxiety doesnt seem to be improving. 

Even as I write this, I can hear the voices of people saying to me, "Moving house is the most stressful thing you will ever do, you're not the only one."  Or, "Every bride feels anxious before their wedding, its completley normal." 

Much as these words are meant to reassure me and ease my state of anxiety, they just dont. Because actually, what I want is a magic wand to change my brain and make me a really totally chilled out person. Yes. Yes I do. 

I want to be like, "Dude, I'm moving house, but its so cool, I dont care if the walls aren't painted, its like whatever man. Lets just all chill out."

I really dont want to feel sick 90% of the time anymore either. Its not very fun. (And before you think it, no I'm not pregnant!) I either hold my anxiety in my stomach or my neck and jaw. The physical symptoms of anxiety love to make an apperance, and so I either feel like vomiting 24/7, or I have a permanent headache. Oh and my hands are stupidly shaky at the moment. Rather glad I'm not a waitress actually. That would be BAD.

I also have huge problems making very simple decisions. Such as, what meals shall I cook this week? This dilemma probably took me over an hour earlier. I sat with my pen, my paper and dithered around all over the place. I even went on food websites (that was a first,  but to be honest, it confused me even more.) And I still havent decided what to buy from the supermarket. Oh well. Maybe I should just throw together all the ingredients together from my cupboard and invent something new. That could have interesting results.

Anyway for now I'm going to go and have another fag. Yes yes, I know I shouldnt, but really, who would want to deprive an anxious wreck of a girl of her nicotine fix?? That would be a disaster! 

xxxxx